It's been a while. I've still been sorting everything out. The sessions with my therapist have just ended, but I'm not distraught. I thought I would be, but I'm not, which is sort of puzzling. I'm guessing that as I heal, I no longer feel the desperation to have any sort of connection. I think I'm developing the maturity to realise when something has ended and to let it go without a mental tantrum. I know that I'm going to be okay.
I'm feeling more at peace now. It seems like I'm reintegrating myself. I'm no longer fighting with my own mind or emotions. For so long, I was fractured. I was trying to force myself into an ideal that, subconsciously, I thought would bring me less pain. It took a long time to figure out that it only brought me more pain.
I need to get this out. If you feel broken in your mind, it could be that you're trying too hard to be someone you're not. I'm not going to be deluded enough to say that's the case for everyone, but I think it's worth it to ask yourself if you're forcing yourself to be something against your true nature. I know people have to make compromises and sacrifices to get along in the world, but please, find a way to get back to who you're meant to be.
A piece of my life was hacked off and beaten so that I could realise who I am. I don't want it to happen to anyone else. I know it will happen, but if what I say can minimise the damage, then it's worth it.
2014-04-05
Knitting Myself Together
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